Halfway Home
I cannot believe that I’ve already been in Liverpool for almost two months. Time is simply irrelevant here; I go about mostly at my own pace and don’t really bother with a schedule. It’s like I’m on a long holiday from responsibility, and that anything is possible and everything is a new adventure. Being here is quite a strange phenomenon.
But what happens when you start to get tired of vacation? Of the uncertainty and lack of stability?
I wouldn’t say that I’m necessarily homesick (no offense, I just don’t tend to get that way), but it’s more like the feeling that you get when you’ve slept the day away and are just laying around for too long and feel restlessly exhausted from your own lack of movement. It’s the sensation that you need to wake up, that there is some responsibility waiting for you that you’ve been trying to forget about and veil with phantasms and pipe dreams.
I think I feel this way the most when it comes to school. So far I haven’t had to do a lick of work (aside from watching A Hard Day’s Night for my film class, which I honestly can’t count as work). And although there’s nothing really to do, the daunting thought of my essays that will need to be written is starting to creep up on me. I’m also coming to the realization that my research has not progressed nearly as much as I had hoped, and that there’s not much I can do to fix that. Overall, I think the lack of work, although nice and much needed, has just made me realize how different higher education is in the U.S. versus the U.K.
For example, I was checking my home university’s email account today after realizing that I hadn’t looked at it in about two weeks, and I had about 30 to 40 unread emails. Comparing that to my email account for Liverpool, I think I’ve gotten only around 50 emails in total since I came here. There is an expected bombardment of busyness in America that doesn’t exist here. At first, I found that quite charming and a bit of relief. But now, I hate to admit it, I kind of miss it. Maybe it’s just because I’m so used to feeling overwhelmed that the lack thereof here makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. I have this crazy thought that I’m going to somehow accidentally fail all my courses here simply because there is something that I should have been doing that I missed. I know I should be reading something, but I’m just not sure what that something is! Everything in school is a bit vague here; I’m used to comfort of strict perimeters and over-emphasized deadlines.
Anywho, I am about halfway through my time in Liverpool and I haven’t posted nearly as much as I would have hoped, so I’m sorry about that. I’ll do my best to post more frequently, although I can’t make any promises about that.
Thanks for listening to my silly rants, and have a good night.
Cheers. x
Crumpets & Coffey 
Ohh Jessie, I miss you. I have tried at least 50 times to do FaceTime with you and to find out or should I say ‘finally’ figure out you can’t do that. So I tried Skype and I am having trouble with that! Your mom has made some suggestions I will try. Well, your experience is thought provoking…but nothing is by accident . You are benefiting in ways yet to be revealed!! If anything you are appreciating the luxury of American Foods!!!LOL What would you give for a bacon, biscuit and gravy breakfast? Or a sunny day in Arizona-even it’s 100 degrees here! However it’s our wonderful time of year, 75 degrees and what….? SUNNY. Love you consider yourself hugged. B* Aunt. (Not spicy). Hey – Spicy Aunt where are you?
Hi Deb! Yes, I’m sorry, but the facetime thing must just not work here. But just download the skype app and add me! I’ll email you my skype name if you don’t have it. I love you, and I look forward to seeing you soon!
Hi Jessie, I just read you most recent blog “Halfway Home”. Actually your aunt Debbie and I have been reading all your blogs and hearing all the stories from your Mom and Gramma. Sounds like a really beautiful place. I wanted to tell you regarding you most recent blog that it sounds like you’re learning something that took me +50 years to learn. As you know, I spent 35 years working for basically the same company. During that time, I would dream of the time when I would retire and have the time to just relax and enjoy life. From my view point, I was always looking at the green grass on the other side of the fence. Well, after about two years of living an easy life, I found out I was bored and needed something to do. I need to get back into the game with all the deadlines (Yellow Pages was a publishing company with nothing but deadlines nearly everyday and certainly every week. I realized that we were all made to work and to accomplish things. I found out I enjoyed doing the day to day tasks even with all the stress and deadlines. Call me crazy but it was harder doing nothing then working 40-60 hours a week. Bottom line is I believe we were all made to work and accomplish in our chosen professions. I was happiest when I was working and I enjoyed using my mind, talents and creativity on a daily basis. Don’t get me wrong, I did need to get out from all the stress (perhaps that’s why I went on to develop cancer!). I think what I really needed was a sabbatical and not full retirement.
If you need something to do for awhile besides your term papers I would recommend reading an outstanding book titled ” The Imitation of Christ” the Beatitudes Edition by Thomas A’ Kempis and updated by Edyth Draper. Great book! In fact, it made to my top 3 books to read of all time. It was originally written 1471 and is widely believed to be the second best selling book of all time (the Bible is probably the first). Enjoy your time and we’ll talk more when I see next time. Love you Jess! Uncle Tom